My heart

It seems full these days; my heart that is.

Hamlet's birthday was on the 13th of December and we work very hard to make sure he gets a birthday, not just a pre-christmas.

Side note: After watching the present carnage in our family room, his grandmother made it a point to tell my three year old son, on his birthday, that perhaps he now had enough toys and that he didn't need any more for Christmas. Mentioned it several times in fact before she left. Ha freakin' ha. She seemed quite surprised when we called to tell her that Hamlet, when asked in subsequent days what Santa was going to bring him, said "No toys Mommy. Grammy says I have enough toys." Lady, he's a kid, not a potted plant. He hears you.

Hamlet tells me a secret today. "Just for you Mommy. A secret in yous ear." He comes close and whispers, "I love you." Oh. My.

Christmas day and there are presents and presents. He munches on the crumbs Santa left behind - cookies don't just eat themselves you know. He wakes from his nap and we have to hurry to get ready, get in the car, get on the road...but I hold him as he surfaces. "What did you dream about puppy?" I ask him as he leans against me, blanket cuddled close. "I dreamed about you and Daddy and Hamlet; family Mommy." "Was it a good dream, love?" "Family dreams is best," he asserts, snuggles closer.

It seems these days that we are a family in flux. We are working on renovations to put our house up for sale; we are going to build the house we've been dreaming of for years. My company is being purchased by another, with the deal becoming final January 2, 2009. I've been assured that my job is secure, and that my expertise is appreciated and much sought after by our new parent. But the future and its path is a little uncertain, and I've been burned before.

Painting, repairing, handymen, contractors, builders, bosses, assistants....so many moving parts that when I stop, I can still feel the cogs moving and clicking. And I find myself impatient with my three-year-old - his moods, his demands, and isn't it bedtime yet??

And then...

"Mommy, I have a secret for you..."