Thursday, October 30, 2008

Don't look back

Mythology is full of examples.

Orpheus lost his Eurydice because he turned to make sure she was following him out of Hades. Psyche lost Eros because she allows the distrust of others to break the covenants between them.

Lot's wife became a pillar of salt, frozen in time, for looking back.

It's so hard, to choose to move forward. I've seen what living in the past can do to a person. It can reduce you to a victim, characterised solely by the hardship you've endured. It can turn your relationships into eternal games of one-upmanship where no one wins, and everyone hurts.

I won't live like that. But it's not easy.

I don't forget things - dates, occasions. Which seems to have turned into a bit of a curse as my brain endeavours to remind me exactly where I was and what I was doing two years ago. Do you remember Hammy? This is the day.... Do you remember? This is how it felt.

Flashes of breathlessness; of pain.

No. I say, no.

I won't stay here. I won't be trapped in yesterday. I won't let the backward glance poison my forward vision. I won't allow the choices of others to dictate how I will live, think, feel. A mantra of sorts, eh?

Now, if I was being perfectly successful with this premise, I probably wouldn't be writing about it. But, you fall down, you cry, you get up, you start again. Lather; rinse; repeat.

Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight. You've got to kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight.




1 comment:

Dantallion said...

I hope the darkness of whatever is going on has receded... :)