Sunday, May 04, 2008

I remember, I started this for a reason

I read the blogs of others, but I do not blog.

I remember I wanted to have a venue to work things out; a safer haven than the paper process (yes, I was once traumatized by a family member reading my diary). I don't think that need has gone away.

The last year and a half have been the hardest of my life. Everything I believed about myself, personal and professional, was taken away. And I have had to search for the bits of myself, my real self, and painstakingly pull it together.

It sucked. Hard.

Call me cliche, but I feel like the pheonix - burn me to ashes, then burn the ashes. Fire streaks to the sky and I am reborn.

So, the present loveliness of my life should be doubly celebrated. Hamlet is 29 months old, beautiful and bright. He shines, does my lad. He deserves a Mommy who looks to the future. Mr. Hammy and I love with the knowledge that we came too close to losing everything; our family and ourselves. Love is hard and fraught with responsibility - i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling).

This week, after some work craziness and a certification exam, I'm hoping to push the "reset" button on some of my priorities. Physical fitness being one; perhaps mental fitness is another? I think this blog could be part of that - a spot to work out the things in my head before they spill over into life and damage what I've built.

Hey, you gotta start somewhere.

1 comment:

darth said...

*waits patiently*